The 91 delegates to the General Service Conference listened as the question was asked: “How many of you came to service in A.A. with the help of a sponsor?” Essentially, all 91 delegates raised their hands in assent. Past trustee Al H., of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada vividly remembers that moment in 1978. “We sponsor as we have been sponsored,” he says. “I was taken to my first service meeting barely three months after I became sober and I’ve been active ever since.” Like so many members, Al early absorbed the miracle of Twelfth-Step work-that sharing the A.A. message with other alcoholics helps to keep us sober. Thanks to alert sponsorship, he then learned how such one-on-one help in the Fellowship can be stretched to include an ever widening range of twelfth-stepping—from becoming active within one’s group to serving at the local intergroup or central office, on institutions committees, and finally in “general service.” This term embraces the myriad activities within the Conference structure that are carried out by G.S.R.s, area committees, delegates, trustees and the G.S.O. staff. They affect A.A. as a whole and are crucial to our unity and survival. Al points out that “a lot of A.A.s—not just newcomers, either—don’t know enough about A.A. and how it works.” He believes that “God smiled on us when he led us into the Fellowship. The hand of A.A. was there for us and if we want it to be there for your kids and mine, I think we need to be active ourselves in service and help the newcomer to do the same. Frankly, I don’t even know how to sponsor anyone who doesn’t get involved in service. I’m a great admirer of Dr. Bob, who said that if we fail to acquire a spirit of service, we will have missed the greatest gift A.A. has to offer—the ability to give our sobriety away and so keep it.”
Missouri delegate Rita J. says she sponsors new people into service early. “I introduce them to the Traditions,” she declares, “and take them to G.S.R. and state assembly meetings. A number of them get into service.” It’s not always easy, Rita admits, “but I just hang in. Of course, when I called for a group conscience meeting not long ago, hardly anyone I sponsored showed up. I couldn’t exist without a sense of humor!”
Past trustee David A., of Dallas, Texas, says that “everyone I’ve sponsored has gone into service. It’s not mandatory, I tell the newcomer, but it’s more than a suggestion. I also tell them that the Twelve Steps are just one-third of our legacy; there are the Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts of World Service. It’s a 36-point program.” He further suggests that they read the Big Book (“you’ll find yourself”) and A.A. Comes of Age (“you’ll love A.A. so much you won’t leave—you’ll want to stay and grow”). “I was brought to service by a former delegate who wanted to go to the Bill W. Dinner in 1967,” David relates. Bill himself autographed my copy of As Bill Sees It; I met people in service and went back and back and back. I was G.S.R., D.C.M., delegate, area chairperson, area GvR, you name it. I served as alternate in each of these offices, too, before becoming a trustee-at-large, U.S.A. And I’m even more active now than when I started. I attend the state conferences, do meetings on the Traditions and Concepts and, of course, try to get newcomers interested in service whenever I can.”
Past trustee Ruth H. Hollister, New York: “When I took the G.S.R. role, my sponsor said, ‘You don’t want that, it’s political.’ Nevertheless, I became active on the Southeast New York Conference Committee. The other officers took me under their wing and gave me an appreciation of service. Today, I do the same with those I sponsor—I try to make them aware of A.A. as a whole. Whenever I see members working the Steps and Traditions, I make every effort to interest them in service beyond the group. Service is integral to my recovery; without it, I doubt that I would have stayed sober these past 28 years.
Past trustee George D., Tiburon, California: “When I first came to A.A. I slipped a lot. After I finally stopped drinking, my sponsor and other old timers told me I was the kind of drunk who had to be active to stay sober. I took them at their word and have continued to do so for 26 years. Service is a part of me.” For the first 11 years, George remembers, “I was active in every aspect of service except general service, perceiving it to be full of basic service club types. My closest A.A. friend was active in general service and I just figured it was an eccentricity—otherwise he was a nice, cosmopolitan guy. Finally, he dragged me along with him and I eventually became a delegate in 1975. In a discussion with the late Bob H., who was retiring at the time as G.S.O. manager, I questioned my motives in doing service work—was it love of A.A. or a need for recognition and approval? Bob then quoted what Bernard Smith, a nonalcoholic trustee and former chairperson of the General Service Board, once said about Bill W.: ‘Never in history have so many great things been accomplished by a man with such doubtful motives.’ With Bob’s help I realized that if I waited to be ‘pure’ before getting anything done, I’d wait a lifetime.” George believes that general service may not be for everyone. “Instead of pushing people into it,” he suggests, “I think we should lead them by example. We need to treat each other in service with the same sensitivity we bring to recovery.”
Rev.5/28/02 Copyright AAWS
“Every sponsor is necessarily a leader. The stakes are huge. A human life, and usually the happiness of a whole family, hangs in the balance. What the sponsor does and says, how well he estimates the reactions of his prospects, how well he times and makes his presentation, how well he handles criticisms, and how well he leads his prospect on by personal spiritual example – well, these attributes of leadership can make all the difference, often the difference between life and death.” – Bill W.”
1. Convincing testimony MUST surely come from medical men who have had experience with the sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health. (xxiii)
2. “Doctor, I cannot go on like this! I have everything to live for! I MUST stop, but I cannot! You MUST help me!” (xxvii)
3. Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he MUST sometimes feel his own inadequacy. (xxvii)
4. Though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians MUST admit we have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. (xxvii)
5. In the course of his third treatment he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation he (Bill W.) commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics, impressing upon them that they MUST do likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship of these men and their families. This man and over one hundred others appear to have recovered. (xxiii)
6. In this statement he (Dr. Silkworth) confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture MUST believe that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. (xxiv)
7. More often than not, it is IMPERATIVE that a man’s brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer. (xxiv)
8. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people MUST have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals MUST be grounded in a power greater than themselves if they are to re-create their lives. (xxvi)
9. I SIMPLY HAD TO believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor limitation (10)
10. I MUST turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.(14)
11. Particularly was it IMPERATIVE to work with others.(14)
12. Of NECESSITY there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious.(19)
13. Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, DEPEND upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. (19)
14. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process REQUIRES for its successful consummation.(25)
15. There was NOTHING LEFT FOR US but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our Feet. (25)
16. It is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, “Yes, I am one of them too; I MUST have this thing.” (29)
17. We learned that we had to FULLY CONCEDE to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, HAS TO BE smashed. (30)
18. If we are planning to stop drinking, there MUST be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. (33)
19. But after a while we had to face the fact that we MUST find a spiritual basis of Life – or else.(44)
20. We HAD TO find a power by which we could live, and it HAD TO BE a Power greater than ourselves. (45)
21. DO NOT let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. (47)
22. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. This sort of thinking HAD TO BE abandoned. (48)
23. We HAD TO ask ourselves why we shouldn’t apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view. (52)
24. When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we HAD TO stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did. (52)
25. When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we HAD TO fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn’t. (53)
26. Sometimes we HAD TO search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us. (55)
27. The first requirement is that we BE CONVINCED that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. (60)
28. Above everything, we alcoholics MUST be rid of this selfishness. We MUST, or it kills us! (62)
29. We HAD TO have God’s help.(62)
30. First of all, we HAD TO quit playing God. (62)
31. Our liquor was but a symptom. We HAD TO get down to causes and conditions. (64)
32. If we were to live, we HAD TO be free of anger. (66)
33. We saw that these resentments MUST be mastered. (66)
34. Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we MUST be willing to grow toward it. We MUST be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. (69)
35. We MUST be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. (73)
36. Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession MUST, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it. (74)
37. The rule is we MUST be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others. (74)
38. It is important that he be able to keep a confidence; that he fully understand and approve what we are driving at; that he will not try to change our plan. But we MUST not use this as a mere excuse to postpone. (75)
39. We have emphasized willingness as being INDISPENSABLE. (76)
40. UNDER NO CONDITION do we criticize such a person or argue. (77)
41. We MUST lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. (78)
42. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We MUST not shrink at anything. (79)
43. Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we MUST not shrink. (80)
44. Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he MUST keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn’t. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated. (82)
45. Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We MUST take the lead. (83)
46. The spiritual life is not a theory. WE HAVE TO LIVE IT. (83)
47. We MUST remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone. (83)
48. Every day is a day when we MUST carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. (85)
49. “How can I best serve Thee – Thy will (not mine) be done.” These are thoughts which MUST go with us constantly. (85)
50. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we MUST go further and that means more action. (85)
51. But we MUST be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. (86)
52. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends-this is an experience you MUST not miss. (89)
53. The family MUST decide these things. (90)
54. To be vital, faith MUST be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. (93)
55. NEVER talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. (95)
56. If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After doing that, he MUST decide for himself whether he wants to go on. (95)
57. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire MUST come from within. (95)
58. NEVER avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you are doing the right thing if you assume them. (97)
59. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You HAVE TO act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. (97)
60. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it MUST be done if any results are to be expected. (98)
61. But we MUST try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.(99)
62. If their old relationship is to be resumed it MUST be on a better basis, since the former did not work. (99)
63. Both you and the new man MUST walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress.(100)
64. People have said we MUST not go where liquor is served; we MUST not have it in our homes; we MUST shun friends who drink; we MUST avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we MUST not go into bars; our friends MUST hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we MUSTn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so. (101)
65. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We NEVER argue this question. (102)
66. We are careful NEVER to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. (103)
67. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We HAVE TO! (103)
68. Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he MUST act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed. (113)
69. But sometimes you MUST start life anew. (114)
70. While you need not discuss your husband at length, you can quietly let your friends know the nature of his illness. But you MUST be on guard not to embarrass or harm your husband. (115)
71. You will no longer be self-conscious or feel that you MUST apologize as though your husband were a weak character. (115)
72. These family dissensions are very dangerous, especially to your husband. Often you MUST carry the burden of avoiding them or keeping them under control. (117)
73. NEVER forget that resentment is a deadly hazard to an alcoholic. (117)
74. Your husband knows he owes you more than sobriety. He wants to make good. Yet you MUST not expect too much. (118)
75. Though it is infinitely better that he have no relapse at all, as has been true with many of our men, it is by no means a bad thing in some cases. Your husband will see at once that he MUST redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive.(120)
76. We NEVER, NEVER try to arrange a man’s life so as to shield him from temptation; The slightest disposition on your part to guide his appointments or his affairs so he will not be tempted will be noticed. (120)
77. The family MUST realize that dad, though marvelously improved, is still convalescing. They should be thankful he is sober and able to be of this world once more. (127)
78. He can scarcely square the account in his lifetime. But he MUST see the danger of over-concentration on financial success. Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded. (127)
79. We know there are difficult wives and families, but the man who is getting over alcoholism MUST remember he did much to make them so. (127)
80. We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work MUST be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness. (130)
81. Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. The others MUST be convinced of his new status beyond the shadow of a doubt. Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker. (135)
82. State that you know about his drinking, and that it MUST stop. You might say you appreciate his abilities, would like to keep him, but cannot if he continues to drink. (141)
83. For most alcoholics who are drinking, or who are just getting over a spree, a certain amount of physical treatment is desirable, even IMPERATIVE. (142)
84. Though you are providing him with the best possible medical attention, he should understand that he MUST undergo a change of heart. To get over drinking will REQUIRE a transformation of thought and attitude. We all HAD TO PLACE RECOVERY ABOVE EVERYTHING, for without recovery we would have lost both home and business. (143)
85. While on the subject of confidence, can you adopt the attitude that so far as you are concerned this will be a STRICTLY personal matter, that his alcoholic derelictions, the treatment about to be undertaken, will NEVER be discussed without his consent? (143)
86. When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man MUST decide for himself. (144)
87. An alcoholic who has recovered, but holds a relatively unimportant job, can talk to a man with a better position. Being on a radically different basis of life, he will NEVER take advantage of the situation.(146)
88. For he knows he MUST be honest if he would live at all. (146)
89. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. NEVER could we recapture the great moments of the past. (151)
90. I know I MUST get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?” Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. 152)
91. They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who MUST find a way out. (153)
92. But what about his responsibilities – his family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well, ah-yes, those other alcoholics? There MUST be many such in this town. He would phone a clergyman. His sanity returned and he thanked God. (154)
93. He saw that he would HAVE TO face his problems squarely that God might give him mastery. (155)
94. Both saw that they MUST keep spiritually active. (156)
95. Though they knew they MUST help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others. (159)
96. God will determine that, so you MUST remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. (164)
97. We alcoholics see that we MUST work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone. (563)
98. A.A. MUST continue to live or most of us will surely die. (565)
99. Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or religious experiences, MUST be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. (569)
100. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they MUST acquire an immediate and overwhelming “God-consciousness” followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook. (569)
101. I think our profession MUST take appreciative cognizance of this great therapeutic weapon. (571)
102. Any therapeutic or philosophic procedure which can prove a recovery rate of 50% to 60% MUST merit our consideration. (571)
Strongly unified, we at Providence Point are held together by adherence to our Primary Purpose to carry the A.A. Message to the alcoholic who still suffers. We hope you will join us as an additional resource for your recovery.
1. Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare comes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority–a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.
3. Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.
4. With respect to its own affairs, each A.A. group should be responsible to no other authority than its own conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare of neighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consulted. And no group, regional committee, or individual should ever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as a whole without conferring with the Trustees of the General Service Board. On such issues our common welfare is paramount.
5. Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose–that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
6. Problems of money, property, and authority may easily divert us from our primary spiritual aim. We think, therefore, that any considerable property of genuine use to A.A. should be separately incorporated and managed, thus dividing the material from the spiritual. An A.A. group, as such, should never go into business. Secondary aids to A.A., such as clubs or hospitals which require much property or administration, ought to be incorporated and so set apart that, if necessary, they can be freely discarded by the groups. Hence such facilities ought not to use the A.A. name. Their management should be the sole responsibility of those people who financially support them. For clubs, A.A. managers are usually preferred. But hospitals, as well as other places of recuperation, ought to be well outside A.A.- and medically supervised. While an A.A. group may cooperate with anyone, such cooperation ought never go so far as affiliation or endorsement, actual or implied. An A.A. group can bind itself to no one.
7. The A.A. groups themselves ought to be fully supported by the voluntary contributions of their own members. We think that each group should soon achieve this ideal; that any public solicitation of funds using the name of Alcoholics Anonymous is highly dangerous, whether by groups, clubs, hospitals, or other outside agencies; that acceptance of large gifts from any source, or of contributions carrying any obligation whatever, is unwise. Then too, we view with much concern those A.A. treasuries which continue, beyond prudent reserves, to accumulate funds for no stated A.A. purpose. Experience has often warned us that nothing can so surely destroy our spiritual heritage as futile disputes over property, money, and authority.
8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional. We define professionalism as the occupation of counseling alcoholics for fees or hire. But we may employ alcoholics where they are going to perform those services for which we may otherwise have to engage nonalcoholics. Such special services may be well recompensed. But our usual A.A. “12th Step” work is never to be paid for.
9. Each A.A. group needs the least possible organization. Rotating leadership is the best. The small group may elect its secretary, the large group its rotating committee, and the groups of a large metropolitan area their central or intergroup committee, which often employs a full-time secretary. The trustees of the General Service Board are, in effect, our A.A. General Service Committee. They are the custodians of our A.A. Tradition and the receivers of voluntary A.A. contributions by which we maintain our A.A. General Service Office at New York. They are authorized by the groups to handle our overall public relations and they guarantee the integrity of our principle newspaper, the A.A. Grapevine. All such representatives are to be guided in the spirit of service, for true leaders in A.A. are but trusted and experienced servants of the whole. They derive no real authority from their titles; they do not govern. Universal respect is the key to their usefulness.
10. No A.A. group or member should ever, in such a way as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outside controversial issues–particularly those of politics, alcohol reform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymous groups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they can express no views whatever.
11. Our relations with the general public should be characterized by personal anonymity. We think A.A. ought to avoid sensational advertising. Our names and pictures as A.A. members ought not be broadcast, filmed, or publicly printed. Our public relations should be guided by the principle of attraction rather than promotion. There is never need to praise ourselves. We feel it better to let our friends recommend us.
12. And finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the principle of anonymity has an immense spiritual significance. It reminds us that we are to place principles before personalities; that we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.
HOW IT WORKS
Original A.A. Manuscript
Rarely have we see person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it —then you are ready to follow directions.
At some of these you may balk. You may think you can find an easier, softer way. We doubt if you can. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that you are dealing with alcohol — cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for you. But there is One who has all power — That One is God. You must find Him now!
Half measures will avail you nothing. You stand at the turning point. Throw yourself under His protection and care with complete abandon.
Now we think you can take it! Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as your Program of Recovery:
1. Admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely willing that God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly, on our knees, asked Him to remove our shortcomings — holding nothing back.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make complete amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual experience as the result of this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
You may exclaim, “What an order! I can’t go through with it. ” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after, have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas:
(a) That you are alcoholic and cannot manage your own life.
(b) That probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism.
(c ) That God can and will.
If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away!
AA Providence Point’s founder shares her personal story of what she was like, what happened, and what she is like now.
I am TT, a sober alcoholic. If you can relate to my story, you are probably an alcoholic. I encourage you to get a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous if you don’t have one and read it beginning in the front with “The Doctor’s Opinion,” and Ch. 3, “More About Alcoholism,” to further answer the question for yourself.
This is my journey with alcohol, past and present., the miserable places alcohol took me while drinking, and the freedom I found since coming to AA.
I will tell you all about my relationship with alcohol in my life over the years. I drank anything, anytime it was available, my go to was beer. Just for the record, even beer and Wine Is the ‘hard stuff’ if you drink enough of it.
Much more important than what got me here is what has happened to me since I’ve been here. I have yet to meet a person who has come to AA because they were well.
I say that’s most important because I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, and if you are sitting there sick and tired of being sick and tired… I want you to know that if it happened for me it can happen for you, too, through this Program.
I started drinking in the 8th grade, Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill…
I wanted to be popular, to fit in and I remember it made me so sick. But I was hooked! I loved it from that very first time! It ‘relaxed’ me, it made me ‘funny’, it gave me ‘courage.’
I had no courage when I got to AA… I had been beaten down by King Alcohol almost to the grave. I would get up every day and swear I would not drink, and by noon…would be well on my way to oblivion.
I tried every way in the world to stop drinking on my own to no avail. I didn’t have the courage to stop drinking for even one day because I was afraid if I did, it would be expected of me all the time.
I came thru these doors full of despair, afraid and alone. I had annihilated everything and everyone good in my life.
My mother was an alcoholic, and I can remember in the evenings we would sit and watch television… and she would go to the bathroom like every 15 minutes, and I would think, ‘how much can one person go?!”
Then, one day I found the reason for her trips. In the pantry, in the bathroom, there was a Tupperware container full of her whiskey. So, I learned early on how to ‘hide’ my drinking to escape the shame of it.
By high school, I was drinking 1/2 can Diet Pepsi mixed with mom’s whiskey for breakfast. She, being sick herself, did not object to my drinking when she found out that I was. It was almost as if she welcomed it because she would not have to hide her own.
From that time on, I was able to drink as much whiskey and beer as I wanted, and that was plenty. I cannot remember one day since I was 16 until February 2004 (except while pregnant or in treatment) that I did not drink.
I am not going to get into all the ‘uglies’ much- we have all been There or we wouldn’t be Here…
I can just tell you that because of my alcoholism, I have seen abuse, broken homes, lost jobs, a DUI, waking in strange men’s beds wondering whose urine I was laying in, all the way to using Walmart’s fitting room as a bathroom- alcoholism is not pretty.
Our Big Book says, “An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature.”
We could sure get ourselves into some predicaments. I thought I was the most easy-going person in the world when I came to AA…all I needed to be happy was my booze. I could not see how my need for alcohol was hurting those I love.
I didn’t realize that one of the reasons I drank was because I was eaten up with, consumed with… victimhood. I mean, in the end, drinking was never a pleasant experience, but rather an act of anger, self- pity, remorse, guilt, etc… I was always drinking At someone, or Over something.
I had a huge ego when I got here, sometimes I Still do, but today, using the tools this program has given me, I recognize it and I am able to see a situation and address it without my, “I know everything attitude.”
My son would want to go out for the evening, and I would tell him only if his dad could pick him up, because I’d be drinking by then.
See…I thought I was doing such a good thing…giving so much of myself, not drunk driving…I was being Responsible…Good God, how messed up is that!? No wonder we have so much shame and guilt when we get here. Terribly selfish.
My husband would tell me he was concerned for me and that I needed to stop drinking…In a rage I would say, “The one thing I enjoy in life, and you want to take it away!” Ugh- talk about ego…
My mother and father were both diagnosed, within a week of each other, with cancer in 1992, mom with lung cancer, daddy with leukemia. They both passed on October 8, 1993. You can’t just make this chit up 🙂
I tell you this not for sympathy but to make a point: this gave me another ‘EXCUSE” to stay stuck in the bottle for 10 more years. “Well, if you went thru what I did, you’d drink, too!”
I always had a reason to drink…. It did not matter to me if my best friend had died or was getting married, if my husband cheated or brought me roses, if the sun came Up or went Down.
What I learned in AA years later is that I drank because there had come a time in my disease that I had crossed a certain line and could not find my way back on my own…nor through any other human aid.
My last drunk lasted a few days…I mean, continuous, unless I was passing out or coming to. What stands out in my mind as the beginning of the end for me was when I woke up to police cars, firetrucks, and ambulances surrounding my home. My husband was deployed, and my oldest son was visiting his father.
(I believe now God took them both from me at the same time so that I could hit my bottom).
I had tucked the boys into bed (my three- year- old twins and my youngest, 10 months younger,) and decided to rest on the porch for a bit before going to bed. Well, my little one had lost his batman cape off his pajamas and could not wake me up. Almost sounds funny now…but not at all at the time.
A neighbor had called 911 thinking I was dead. If we hadn’t lived in such a small town where my husband knows everyone, there is no doubt in my mind I would have lost our children that night.
The next morning, I was bringing in my case of beer for the day and sure enough one of the cops from the night before seeing me, just shook his head (I got to hug that policeman years later, another blessing from AA).
That weekend we went to visit my husband and he pleaded with the Gen. to let him come home to get me into treatment…he did. The Army was very good to us. Just out of treatment, I contemplated drinking and that’s when I knew…something had to be done…I knew it was the end for me.
My first year in AA I constantly heard ‘don’t drink and go to meetings’ and ’90 meetings in 90 days.’ Now I am not saying those are bad suggestions, they are good suggestions…the problem for me was that neither suggestion could keep me sober.
I stopped at the liquor store on my way home from every meeting, and I would start again early enough the next day to sleep it off before going back, or so I thought. What a mess.
I struggled badly my first year here, only managing to put together 112 days without alcohol.
I came here to Online AA and watched people share and laugh. I went to face to face and people were hugging and smiling – All without alcohol and I longed for that freedom.
So, I did what was suggested… I read the Big Book every day, I went to meetings every day, I had sponsors and unfortunately, I could not stay sober. (I didn’t know then what I know now…I was missing the Steps of the AA Program).
The Steps do not make me work, I must work and live the Steps in my life if I desire to continue living in freedom, and I do, more than anything.
Looking back now I can see that much of my failure in A.A. was due to the lack of This message being carried here in my small town. But, also, it was due to my own selfishness. I felt like I showed up…now A.A. should be fixing me!
When I finally hit my bottom and decided to ask for help with my problem, the first lesson I learned was the severity of my disease. I went to this man in sheer desperation and asked him to show me what he was doing that I was not…why the steps were working in his life, and not mine.
I am forever grateful that he was willing to share with me what was shared with him. To fully concede that I was an alcoholic, I needed to know just what that meant. My sponsor explained that alcoholism is a three-fold disease.
It centers in the mind and that is why, even after long periods of time without alcohol, the obsession to drink is still there and will creep back in before we even realize it, IF we do not maintain our spiritual fitness as this Program teaches us.
Then, after we give into the drink, as we often do, the physical allergy sets in and our bodies tell us we need MORE. Alcoholism I learned, is also a spiritual malady and that, when the soul sickness is overcome, the mind and body straighten out as well.
This has been just the case for me. I do believe that God transforms us thru AA. My life did not immediately change to suit me when I came to AA… God suited me to fit my life through the Program. I learned here how to deal with any situation that may come up in my life through the working of the 12 steps.
Without my sobriety and God, I have nothing, so they come first. I am sober today all by the Grace of God. It is for nothing I have earned or done well enough by staying sober. There is nothing I can do to receive God’s blessings by being ‘good’ enough.
Not material gifts, though those are nice, as well, 🙂 …I am referring to blessings such as peace, love, joy, kindness, all things good, and even trials, as the Creator of the Universe who made Heaven and Earth cares about me, …who the heck am?!
I encourage anyone who has not found a personal relationship yet with God to keep walking in what faith you do have as AA has a way of bringing us to a way of understanding that is indeed miraculous.
Page 55 in our AA Big Book says,
“…in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there.
For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend.”
We all are on different spiritual paths and must be allowed to grow. So, we all need to be patient and tolerant with each other, lifting one another up, not beating our fellows down,
As someone who has found freedom through this program, I try to fulfill our responsibility in helping the still suffering alcoholic by encouraging him to use the spiritual tools laid at our feet, the 12 Steps.
The Big Book tells us on p. 60, “Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles.
We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritualprogress rather than spiritual perfection.”
Ebby, Bill’s (co-founder of AA) sponsor suggested, when Bill had a closed mind and prejudice toward God, that he “choose his own conception of God?”
Our Book tells us that Bill stood in the sunlight at last because he was willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and nothing more was required for him to make his Beginning.
The key word there is “Beginning.” Bill understood that growth….our daily maintenance Steps that keep us connected to God….could start from that point.
I do not believe that AA encourages the alcoholic to make up his own Higher Power, but to, through growth and faith, develop a loving, personal relationship with the One who exists.
My sponsor led me through the steps as they are outlined in the Big Book and showed me how to Apply them to my life…not just to read them, but to live them.
In step one, I admitted from my gut that I am an alcoholic, committing to the fact that I can Never drink again safely….
In step two, I came to believe that my God could restore me to sanity. In step three, I turned my life and my will over to God…meaning I would seek His will rather than my own.
In step four, I made a list of my resentments and took my responsibility for my part in them…. I shared those resentments with my sponsor in the eyes of God and agreed to right any wrongs as best I could.
I became willing to let God remove my shortcomings in step six and humbly asked Him to in step 7. THIS is how I straightened out spiritually…it happened naturally through the Steps.
And, as our Big Book promises, my obsession to drink was removed. I don’t suspect I will ever want to drink again so long as I maintain my spiritual fitness daily.
I know, I know, “Oh my God, she is cocky and too sure of herself, she is going to drink!” I do not hold confidence in myself when it comes to alcohol, I am sure of God. I know we do this thing one day at a time, but….no matter how many ODAAT’s I have, I do not Ever want to drink again.
Today, I work to do that by living in steps 10-12 every day. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking for the Fellowship of A.A. The A.A. program, however, suggests certain things I must do if I expect to live happily in this world without alcohol.
My son and husband came home to a sober wife and mother that Summer. It is just one of a thousand miracles I have experienced living this way of life.
Take courage and hope in this Program and take the action to apply it to your life. The sky is not going to fall if you and I do not take a drink today.
Step 12 tells me that I must carry This message to other alcoholics. Sharing the message plays a vital role in my own recovery…AND… the BB says that I can help where no one else can. I think it is truly amazing that I might even help to save a life today when there was a time I could not even help myself.
If I could tell you the most important thing out of this share that I have tried to convey, it would be that if you are a suffering alcoholic, there IS a solution for you to be found here in AA.
The solution is IN the Steps and you truly do NOT have to drink anymore. Get to many meetings, make good use of the Fellowship…they have been where you are…find yourself a sponsor …and work the Steps …
continue to apply the Steps to ALL your life (it will come naturally after a while) and you can achieve victory over alcohol! AA is a wonderful way of life, and I am grateful to be living it.
